Do you like yourself as much as you want others to like you?
... a tricky yet timely question. I’ve been examining recently my desire to be liked by everyone; where it stems from, how powerful it is, and what purpose it serves. My people pleaser sub-personality plays a key role in my apparent need to be liked by others. Wanting to be liked from this perspective, however, comes from a place of lack, a perceived idea that I alone am not good enough and therefore need approval from others to be validated as a worthy human being. Coming from this energy, how could I possibly like myself?
As I do my work this is shifting. I understand on an intellectual level that I am the universe in person yet I continue to work toward feeling this on a visceral level; to let is sink through my neurons, down my spine into my bones, sinew, blood, and flesh, until I can espouse the notion in every fiber of my being. Maybe then I will like myself more. Right now, as I work towards seeing myself as I really am, I strive to be easy on myself and practice self-compassion. I ask myself, “Whom must you live with for the rest of your life?” Oh! Only me. Then what matters more: liking myself or being liked by others? Myself, of course. Ah, but the existential fear of rejection screeches like a banshee, tearing me from my grounded zone of Universal love, if ever I can get there. When I feel like I have gained ground in my attempts at redemption from self-pity, I swoop back down the curve of the spiral and wind up in a familiar place with just slightly more knowledge. This is the nature of the search, and soon I will be propelling myself up the spiral, happy as a lark. And larks are cute. I can like a lark. Larks are happy regardless of who likes them. Maybe someday I will get there.